Hiatus and Shift in Thinking

So I have been in hiatus with my writing particularly because I had a few last minute stuff to resolve and move back to my home. Its great to be back online though.

While I was in the midst of getting all these done, I had a lot of time to think and ponder upon topics of interest. I’ve also been kinds off in a letting go mood. Not really committing to things that are not in the top of my priorities list. Its kinds of an interesting shift considering how I have been living for this past life of mine. I kinda want to give myself a rebirth now. Do things my way rather than the ways that surround me.

Its a little weird, I’ll admit. Its not normal for me to have to cut down a ton of what I’ve been doing and 2012 was sort of like a test bed for me. I went from co-organizing some events to none, I went from 50 -100 events per year to about 5 or 10. I went from being super involved in the community to basically having a zero footprint except for a select few people in my life.

The Result : I’ve never been happier.

My mind is clearer. I can hear my thoughts for the first time in a long time. Thoughts that actually want to dictate things that I care about vs something that people care about. This may look selfish on the surface, but its strangely zen-like to me. It reminds me not of the violence in Karate, but the stillness and deep philosophy behind it.

It reminded me of the empty hand. The empty cup. The silent mind.

Its as if a thunderstorm just finished pouring its wrath. Its as if, I have rediscovered myself somewhere in the midst of things, somewhere in the mess of things. Its truly experiential. Its deep, its meta, its whateever we deem it to be. Its me.

Perhaps sometime in the future when I am more mature, I will be able to take control of the chaos that I forged myself into to begin with or maybe not. Maybe this is where I deserve to be now and forever, whatever that means.

For now, I surrender unto thee. Lead me to the Light for I am Darkness reborn.