Can’t Sleep

There comes a time when you feel as if the wind just got blown out of you. Someone sucker punched you in the gut and gave it all they got leaving you breathless. For that moment in time, everything stops. Time ceases to exist. The world around you pauses and you realize, DAMN, I can’t believe this has happened. I can’t believe I am here. I can’t believe all the decisions I made in life thus far resulted in what I am now, where I am now, who I am now.

Your entire life flashes before you. Like no other. You question everything. You look back and attempt to see some form of logic in the decision you made. You attempt to arrange and compartmentalize the chaos that stands before you. Suddenly, you realize that path before you that you thought was shining so brightly is suddenly pitch black as you stare into the abyss hoping something would happen. Hoping anything would happen, giving you a semblance of hope that everything, and anything made sense.

But you realise, in those fleeting moments that nothing does makes sense. It seems like everything up till now is a waste and worst, its because of you. Its because of the stupid decisions you made and the idosyncracies that come with those carefree decisions. You suddenly realize that a lot of what people preach and tell themselves and worst, tell you is all just fluff. Sack of lies created to bolster them from the bitter reality that life isn’t what it seems to be. Life didn’t go as planned and instead of fixing it, what most people do is succumb to the reality and embrace the so call light of their being. They compromise. They become the person they think they want to be, not the person they really should be.

And here I am wondering, doesn’t that bother anyone just a bit. Doesn’t that burn a hole right through your heart ? Lying to yourself everyday. Being someone you’re not. Doing something that’s not truly you.

Knock, knock. Wake up Neo…