Its 4.30am and I just got home a few hours ago. Its been a long day and procrastination seems to be the preferred mood of the evening and yet I lay restless. I forced myself to watch a couple of episodes of a TV Show just to clear my mind but I felt guilty. Guilty that I was doing nothing to change the world much less myself. I was doing nothing, day after day after day. Why this sudden realization ? Now this may come as a shocker but perhaps the blog post I recently posted about my goals for the year may subconsciously be forcing me to rethink my lazy routine.
I had narrowed down some ideas to focus on what I really wanted to work on and, while those realities seem close, they were actually farther than I expected. I needed to spend time turning those ideas into reality or continue to fade into oblivion. Despite saying multiple times that I was going to dedicate some time everyday to learning Ruby on Rails and reading some of the books I have purchased, I have done neither and to be honest, its pissing me off. Here I am browsing through the StartupsOpenSourced Ebook which I got courtesy of Teng Siong, and the very first story about Josh Greenberg of Grooveshark speaks a little about the entrepreneurial DNA, or what’s it like to be an entrepreneur and how long back did he “have it”, and I am staring in the mirror wondering if all I am is hot steam, a sprint runner who is not capable of completing a marathon, or worst, the “idea” guy who does nothing else.
If so, I need to face the harsh reality that I desperately need a personal intervention and some time to dedicate to revisiting my motivations and truly ask myself, what is stopping me from getting to where I want to be ? If its laziness, why ? If its personal stamina, then start working out again. What I actually need is a complete optimization for awesomeness. I need to look through and examine myself and find out the flaws, and start actively fixing them, so that every single cell in my body is aiming towards that achieving the goals I set out for myself. That is the only way I will achieve what I want, when I want it. That is the only way I will move on.